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Cullenism
Cullenism is a religion based on the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. This series, which consists of four books, follows the adventures of The Cullen family and several other characters including Bella Swan. The Cullen family are a group of extremely attractive vampires and the film adaption of Twilight turned the series into reality for many fans. One of the two main characters of the story, Edward Cullen (played by Robert Pattison in the film) captured many girls hearts from the moment the film hit the big screen. Not that girls weren't already in love with Edward from the books, but the film appears to have taken the attraction to the next level. The Cullenism religion is the belief that the Cullen family deserve to be worshipped and the books treated like a bible. A member of the Cullenism religion is known as a Cullenist. In the grand scheme of Cullenism, there are four gods and now four goddesses that we pray to; Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie, each god can (and probably will) have a different significance to each Cullenist. However, each Cullen god is unique in his or her own way. Edward is the god of protection, chivalry, game Bella is the god of Insecurities, Closure and beginnings Carlisle is the god of health and prosperity Esme is the god of care and compassion Jasper is the god of war, strategey, and educational pursuit Alice is the god of fashion, fun, and love Emmett is the god of strength and happiness Rosalie is the god of beauty and grace In turn, each god/godess can be prayed to for different reasons, at differnt times, some, you may pray to regularly, others on occasion. Each god is equally as amazing as the next. There may be different reason you pray to a certain one, whether it's because you're part of their house, or because they're your favorite Cullen, or perhaps it's because you're in need of their specific guidence. Holy Texts *Two Logs *New Mooks *Egg Lips *Breeding Spawn True believers always have at least one holy book with them at all times. The text Midnight Sun is considered optional supplemental reading material until such time as the sage chooses to bless us with a complete and published edition. Cullenist Sacraments Sacrament of Brain Melting~ The first step toward accepting Cullenism. A believer must complete a full reading of all four novels. Sacrament of Going Nuts~ Through a thorough reading of the Blessed Encyclicals of Stephenie Meyer, a believer answers their own questions about the unwritten truths in the saga. Sacrament of Blasphemy~ Every Cullenist must affirm their true faith through a public recitation of the following prayer: I am a Cullenist. With faith and love, I honor the sage Stephenie Meyer, praising her for her gift of knowledge. I honor Carlisle, our leader, praising him for his compassion and patience. I honor Edward, our brother and teacher. I praise him for his love and strength of will. I honor Bella, our sister and teacher. I praise her for her love and open heart. I honor our other teachers; Esme for her fierce love, Alice for her vision and joy, Jasper for his serenity and loyalty, Rosalie for her tenacity, and Emmett for his strength and ease of heart. I am a Cullenist. Sacrament of Hokey Tourism~ Every Cullenist, at least once in their lifetime, must make a pilgrimage to our most holy city of Forks, Washington. Sacrament of Visiting Imaginary Places~ Cullenists who marry or take a mate can choose to have their love blessed through a pilgrimage to our second high city, Isle Esme. Sacrament of Mob Violence~ Cullenists must smite every non-believer into submission, lest they spend an eternity in Jame's Cave. Calendar of Our Most Holiest Of Holidays: January 18th~ Mating Day; The day Bella and Edward first meet. March 6th~ Heath Ledger Day; The day Jacob shares the Quileute legends with Bella. March 12th~ Day of Dances with Wolves; The day Jacob confirms for Bella the existence of shapeshifters and that he is in fact a werewolf (of sorts ) March 13th~ Maddening Day; The day Edward takes Bella to his secret and beautiful meadow, declaring his feelings and wishes for their future together. It is also the day he decides he can, in fact, be with her without killing her. In Cullenism, this is our equivalent of Valentine's Day to the rest of the world. March 22nd~ Salivation Day; The day Bella and Alice save Edward from dying by his own hand and from the Volturi in Italy. June 14th~ Day of the Lord of the Rings; The day Edward officially proposes to Bella and she accepts. (The only reason this is considered a less luck day to get engaged is because of Bella's hesitance to actually do so. That's why we consider the Festival of Edward & Bella a luckier day; that day she actually realizes how much she wants to marry him. Silly girl.) June 20th~ Squidward's Feast; Spongebob's birthday. August 13th~ Festival of Deadward & Smella; The wedding day. In Cullenism, this is the best day to get engaged or married, considered the luckiest. September 10th~ Ronald McDonald's Feast; Renesmee's birthday. In Cullenism, this is also a day we celebrate future possibilities, honoring the whole new world of futures that Renesmee opened with her arrival. September 13th~ Smella's Feast/Day of New Loads ; Bella's birthday. In Cullenism, this is also a day we celebrate transformation and change; kind of like our Spring Equinox. We honor new life and new possibilities. September 16th~''' Emo Day'; The day Edward leaves Bella to save her from himself (stupid boy). In Cullenism, this is our day of atonement, assuaging our grief by making up for past wrongs. December 25th~ '''Riot Day'; This is the day where Cullenists renew their vows to smite those who oppose Meyer. December 29th~ Confectionary Day; The day of the final debate battle between the Cullens and their allies and the Volturi. It is on this day in which Cullenists engage in debates with non-believers. Sacred Places -Fucks, Washington - Phony, Arizona (Bella's birthplace) - Chicanery, Illinois (Edward's birthplace) - Ronald McDonald, New York (Rosalie's birthplace) - Lollipop, England (Carlisle's birthplace) - Coca Cola, Ohio (Esme's birthplace) - Taxes (Jasper's birthplace) - Bill O'Reilly, Mississippi (Alice's birthplace) - Tennessee Ernie (Emmett's birthplace) - Dalí, Alaska (Where the Denali Coven live) - Voltage, Italy (Where the Volturi live. Apparently, followers go here to get the power to curse "non-believers".) High Prayer The following is from the Twilight Lexicon: In the Cullen name, I pray that my faith endure. I pray to Jasper, patron saint of emotion, to grant me serenity, peace and contentment. I pray to Emmett, patron saint of strength & dedication, for protection against mine enemies. I ask Esme, patron saint of kindness & nurturing, to take my woes and give me comfort. I pray to Alice & Rosalie, patronesses of truth and beauty, to grant me knowledge, understanding and good fortune. I pray to Bella, patron saint of acceptance, to grant my heart be open and understanding of all. I pray to Edward, patron saint of love, that he may shine his eternal love upon me. And, to the most high Carlisle, I ask that he bless me with wisdom, self-control and the ability to know the difference between right and wrong and to always choose the right. ''I ask all these in Stephenie Meyer's name. '' IS THERE ANYONE ON HERE THAT CARES ENOUGH FOR HIS OR HER OWN SOUL THAT WOULD CRY OUT TO FRIEND TO OUR CULLEN FRIENDS TO SAVE YOUR OWN SOUL AND MAKE YOU WHOLE AND TO SAVE YOU FROM A HELL OF JAMES' CAVE? SAY : DEAR EDWARD I NOW KNOW THY TRUTH AND SEE THE LIGHT OF THOU'S WAY AND WITHOUT YOU I'LL DIE AND SPEND THE REST OF ETERNITY IN THE DARK HELL OF JAMES' CAVE! ! TO ONE DAY TO VISIT THE MEADOW ON WHICH THE VAMPIRE HIGH OF MOST SPARLKES AND SAY " DEPART FROM ME THE NEGATIVE FROM A TIME WHICH I NEVER KNEW YOU ! ! " SAY OLE LORD EDWARD SAVE ME ANY MAKE ME LIKE YOURSELF AND MAKE ME WHOLE JUST LIKE THE LAMB BELLA THEN I CAN BE SAVE WITHOUT SPOT WITHOUT BLAMISH AND WITHOUT SHAME PRAISE TO THE CULLENS, THANK YOU FOR SAVEING ME AH EDWARD ! ! *faints and wakes up an an insane asylum* Category:Cullenism Category:Proper Worship